My fantasy football

In my fantasy football game, I'd draft Don Draper as the quarterback. He'd play with a cigarette dangling out of his mouth and a bottle of whiskey stuffed in the leg of his pants.

The running backs would be Martha Stewart and Nancy Grace, dressed in matching pant suits and pumps. Both vicious enough to take someone's balls and run.

The wide receivers would be Bernie Madoff and the Hamburglar, in jail stripes and purple, respectively. Both have had years of practice at running and avoiding detection.

For a tight end, I'd choose Obama because, yes, he can do anything.

And as a floater, I'd need someone else who's multitalented. Therefore, I'd pick Liza Minnelli.

My entire defense would be kittens. Not ferocious ones, but extra cute ones. Their only play would be to flop over in the path of an oncoming running back. We may end up sacrificing one, but I believe the other team would have to forfeit due to their Michael Vick-ish actions.

The kicker would be David Beckham. With his shirt off. (I'm still a lady, after all.)

And as a bonus, Liz Lemon and Rose Nylund would head up the dance team and shake what they've got to songs from the soundtracks of John Hughes movies.

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