Writer struggles.

I wish I could do more than write. I wish I could learn all the design programs and learn Flash and html and CSS and pretty much everything else that could bring my ideas to life.

I think the greatest frustration in being a writer in advertising is being told no and being unable to create something for yourself. I hate to see my concepts die because of time and budget. And I feel like it's ultimately my lack of skills that kills them.

Ugh.

Hardcore Kids. Or none at all.

When I was a kid, I was way more hardcore than I am now.

The physical examples are easy to understand. I was a daredevil on skates or a bike because I was shorter - less distance to fall. Plus, I was invincible. Duh.

But I also thought I could do things with my life that were almost cruel in retrospect. I wanted to be a CIA agent and I went around boasting about how I could kill someone. No problem. Then I wanted to be a lawyer defending the bad guys. I was a bad ass. I was also a Republican.

Once I got into my teens, I thought more about business and social problems. And one idea I had wasn't half bad - I wanted to start a restaurant where children weren't allowed. No, this is not the topless bar. Just a regular restaurant where children weren't screaming.

After a trip to Houston this past weekend, I think this idea has more legs than I originally planned.

I like kids. From a safe distance. But I don't have one and I think that choice should be enough to keep me from having to deal with them.

With that said, I'd like to propose child-free things:

Baby-Free Flights

No Stroller Shopping at the mall  - this could be just one day a week

Grown-up Grocery

Childless Cafes

No Kid Cones - ice cream store

Is what I'm proposing segregation? Is it wrong? Are the lactivists going to attack me? 

The answer to all of these is probably yes. But I'm hardcore, right? No problem.

2009, day six. I despair.

It's raining outside. Steve Jobs isn't presenting at MacWorld. The economy continues to fail. Bush is still president. (But only for a little while longer - there's that tunnel's light.)

Yesterday I read an article about Gaza. In it, a child was saying that he would never forget the bombings there and that when he grew up, he'd bomb back. It was as profound as any work of fiction and it sent shivers down my back.

2009 is shaping up to be a challenge. An opportunity, maybe? I don't know.

Resolutions:

Save money.

Get in shape.

End the mid-twenties crisis of confidence.

A note on the mid-twenties crisis of confidence:

I believe this to be a universal thing, perhaps generational, but I have no proof of that. Around this stage, perceived life failures and the slow pace of success contradict everything we know and expect. The media, the movies, the Internet - fast, fast, fast. You either make it by 25 or you become someone who never gets a Wikipedia article. Confidence falls and without it, you cannot succeed.

"Melissa, your face is on the phone. Soccer practice is over and you need to pick it up." - 30 Rock

Facing the challenge.